


Talk Me Down

by Sugaandspice



Series: The Blue Neighborhood Trilogy [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm very sorry, Inspired by Music, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6992740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugaandspice/pseuds/Sugaandspice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now. So come over now and talk me down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Referenced/Implied self-harm and suicide

            Yamaguchi struggled with the fact that he was alone. He was alone and unloved and the pain in his chest only grew more with every passing moment. Sharing a room with someone you love wasn’t an easy thing to do when they don’t love you back. He hadn’t said much to Tsukishima since the day he confessed and no matter how bad he wanted to he kept it all to himself. It worked for a little while, but soon it all got harder and he resorted to self-destructive behavior, he didn’t like it, but sometimes you have to bleed to know you’re alive.

            Tsukishima was never one for words to begin with, but he loved to talk to Yamaguchi and the quieter Yamaguchi got, the more it hurt him. He didn’t love him, he just didn’t feel love, but Yamaguchi was still his best friend and seeing his best friend hurt also hurt him. It wasn’t his fault though; he had told his friend years ago that he didn’t fall in love. No matter how deep and beautiful his hazel eyes were, Tsukishima knew even Yamaguchi couldn’t change that. He just didn’t fall in love.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now. So come over now and talk me down._

“Tsukki…”

            The blonde grunted and looked up from his laptop. He had been working on his screenplay for class and it was due in three hours and he hardly had any of it done, but upon hearing Yamaguchi’s voice all of that became unimportant. His friend hadn’t spoken to him in nearly a month and Tsukishima knew just by the distant look in his eyes that he had been getting worse again. He hit a rough patch in high school, but he got through it, and now unfortunately he’d hit the same road bump and was going down the same road that Tsukishima tried so hard to get him off before.

            Tsukishima may not be in love with Yamaguchi, but that didn’t change the fact that he still care immensely for the dark haired boy. They’d been friends for years and he’s never had someone understand him as much as Yamaguchi did. He was quiet and shy and most people didn’t understand why, but Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi just liked observing people more than speaking to him. _“You learn more by listening than you do by speaking.”_ He’d always leave it at that and until now Tsukishima didn’t understand what he meant.

            “What is it?”

            Tsukishima cringed inwardly at how rude he had sounded. He hadn’t been for it to come out so harshly and he hoped it wouldn’t make Yamaguchi regret saying anything to him.

            “Oh…”

            The boy’s voice was soft and fragile and Tsukishima mentally berated himself for being such an ass.

            “You’re busy so…” he shrugged. “It’s not important anyways.”

            Tsukishima’s eyes followed Yamaguchi as he shifted, pulling his legs up onto his bed and laying down. He tugged at the sleeves of his sweater, attempting to pull them down further than they already are. Tsukishima could only think of one reason as to why Yamaguchi was behaving that way and he had never wanted to be more wrong about something than he did now.

            “No, what is it?” Tsukishima asked. “You can talk to me.”

            Yamaguchi stayed quiet. He was doing his best to calm himself down. It was getting hard to breathe and his chest hurt and he knew if he didn’t calm down then he was going to start crying again. He had cried so much lately and he wasn’t even sure if his body would be able to take more tears.

            “Yamaguchi, please.” Tsukishima said. “Nothing is more important than you.”

            Yamaguchi took a shaky breath in. He wished Tsukishima meant that, but he knew he was just saying it to get him to talk. He knew Tsukishima liked the quiet, but he could tell he didn’t love that it was quiet all the time now.

            “Can we just…”

            Tsukishima could tell Yamaguchi was scared about asking whatever it is he wanted to and it made his stomach churn as he tried to think about what it could be.

            “Nevermind…”

            “No, tell me.”

            Tsukishima decided he wasn’t going to let Yamaguchi get off so easily this time. He wanted to know what it was and he was going to find some way to make Yamaguchi tell him even if it required never getting his screenplay written.

            “No.”

            “Why can’t you just talk to me?” Tsukishima snapped. “Just because I don’t love you doesn’t mean we aren’t friends.”

            “Leave me alone.” Yamaguchi said. “I can’t deal with it.”

            “Whatever. I’m going for a walk.”

            He got up and left the dorm, slamming the door shut behind him. He didn’t understand why Yamaguchi was acting like this. He may not be in love with him, but that didn’t change the fact that they were still best friends, or so Tsukishima thought. Yamaguchi apparently didn’t want anything to do with him. Tsukishima missed the days before Yamaguchi confessed; the days before he broke his best friend’s heart.

            Some nights when it was storming or when Yamaguchi was sick or had a nightmare then he would crawl into bed with Tsukishima and he never minded. Yamaguchi said it made him feel safe and Tsukishima was okay with it because it always made him feel like he had a purpose. Without Yamaguchi around he wasn’t sure what his purpose was anymore. He’d give anything to have those days back.

_I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now and I wanna come home to you, but home is just a room full of my safest sounds. Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my 3AM shadow, I'd rather fuel a fantasy than deal with this alone._

Tsukishima knew it wasn’t healthy for Yamaguchi to always be around him now. The more that they were together then the more he would think they had a chance, that maybe Tsukishima would fall in love with him one day, but Tsukishima knew that wasn’t going to happen. After his parents’ divorce he had sworn he’d never let himself fall in love and to this day he’d kept his promise.

_I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now. So come over now and talk me down._

Tsukishima kept walking, his mind wandering as everything that had happened the past month decided to resurface in his mind.

            _I wanna hold hands with you, but that's all I wanna do right now and I wanna get close to you cause your hands and lips still know their way around and I know I like to draw that line, when it starts to get too real, but the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal._

Yamaguchi was the only person Tsukishima had ever allowed himself to get close to and now he was losing him. He was losing his best friend and the only person that he ever cared about. Yamaguchi had been his first kiss back when they were twelve and curious and had no one else. They’d shared other kisses too, and Tsukishima had even liked them, but those were years ago and they didn’t matter anymore. Lately Tsukishima had been tempted to hold Yamaguchi tightly and tell him it would be okay, but the more Tsukishima stayed away then the easier it would be for Yamaguchi to get over him.

_I wanna sleep next to you, but that's all I wanna do right now. So come over now and talk me down._

Tsukishima didn’t know if it was easier for Yamaguchi, but it was harder for him. He just wanted his friend back and he wasn’t getting him and he had torn him apart inside.

            Tsukishima leaned over the bridge, looking down into the water below him. It was autumn and the water was sure to be cold. The drop was a long one, but he was sure it wouldn’t take long to fall.

_So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line, stuck on the bridge between us. Gray areas and expectations, but I'm not the one if we're honest, yeah, but I wanna sleep next to you and I wanna come home to you. I wanna hold hands with you. I wanna be close to you._

Tsukishima swallowed hard. He knew Yamaguchi might hate him, but if that’s what it took to get over him then Tsukishima could deal with it. He’d have to. They would both have to. He couldn’t take it back.

_But I wanna sleep next to you and that's all I wanna do right now and I wanna come home to you, but home is just a room full of my safest sounds. So come over now and talk me down._

Tsukishima took off his glasses and folded them closed before gently laying them on the side of the bridge.

            “I’m sorry, Tadashi.” he whispered.

            He climbed onto the railing and took a deep breath, closing his eyes one last time before taking his last and final step.

            _So come over now and talk me down._


End file.
